Note: To the best of our knowledge the humor used in this portion of Golfer's Dream is in the public domain.
A couple whose passion had waned saw a marriage
counselor and went through appointments that bought little success.
Suddenly at one session the counselor grabbed the wife and kissed her
It Is Time To Quit When...
Dentist on the phone with a patient:
"Gee, Mrs. Wilson, I'm sorry. Try the emergency dental clinic
downtown on Main Street. Cross my heart, I have eighteen cavities to fill
this afternoon. I have no time before making a start."
It was a beautiful day. Birds were singing,
squirrels scurrying across the fairways, ducks swimming contently in the
lake and fish were bobbing up and down in the water. Through it all, the
golfers were enjoying a stroll across a carpet of lush green grass while
listening to the sound of leaves rustling in the trees around them.
Two friends are playing golf together. One
of them has landed on a dirt track, covered in gravel and sunken stones.
The owner of the ball asked his friend: " Do you mind if I have a
drop, I can't play from here, it's too rough."
A man was seen taking a shot just before the Ladies tee-box. The Course Marshall shouted, "Hey, you have to tee-off at the Blue or White Tee." The man replied, "Give me a break, man. I am taking my third shot."
A Senior Consultant Gynecologist is playing a four ball at his local golf club. Now this Gynecologist is a very selfish golfer. He has no regard for etiquette, is totally wrapped up on his own game and cares nothing for his partners, the players in front or behind. On this particular day he is struggling off the tee and despite the efforts of his partners is very slow. Two lady golfers very quickly catch up the four ball and have to wait on every shot. By the 8th, the ladies are sick of waiting and one decides to drive off. "I shouldn't if I were you," her partner says, "You may hit him." " I don't care it may quicken him up," she replies, and drives off. The ball lands about 20 yards behinds the Gynecologist and runs past him. He turns and glares angrily back at the ladies before moving on. This has no effect and at the 12th the lady does the same again. Again the ball lands 20 yards behind the Gynecologist and runs past him. He turns, shakes his fist at the ladies and moves on. No affect again and at the 14th the lady does the same again. The ball lands about 20 yards behinds the Gynecologist and runs past him. The Gynecologist picks up the lady's ball, walks back to the tee, says to her "Madam if you do that to me again I shall place this ball where only a member of my profession can retrieve it!"
Complicated Golf Course!
A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course became confused as to where he was on the course.
Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.
I'm on the 7th hole," she replied, "and you are a hole behind me. So you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached her again with the same request. "I'm on number 14, and you're still a hole behind, so you must be on the 13th hole."
Once again he thanked her and returned to his play. He finished his round and went to the clubhouse were he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.
He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you're in the sales profession. I'm in sales also. What do you sell?"
"I'll tell you, but you're going to laugh," she replied.
"No, I won't."
" Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax."
With that, he laughed so hard he almost fell off the bar stool.
"See," she said. "I knew you'd laugh!"
"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied, "I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you."
Every morning the president of a large
company would arrive at work, meet with his son for an hour or so, and
then the two of them would head for the golf course. Finally one of the
workers asked, "How come you and your son come in here every morning,
stay only for a little while, and then go golfing?"
Four married guys go golfing on Sunday.
During the 3rd hole the following conversation ensued:
Pausing on the magnificent 7th hole of a
Scottish golf course, a Scot was diverted from the breathtaking view of
the coast by screams from a nearby bunker. Rushing over, he discovered an
American golfer pinned beneath an overturned golf cart.
A couple of old guys were golfing when one
said he was going to Dr. Taylor for a new set of dentures in the morning.
His friend remarked that he had gone to the same dentist a few years
before. "Is that so?" the first said. "Did he do a good
After his worst game of golf ever, a
husband comes home, plops himself down on the couch in front of the
television, and tells his wife, "Get me a beer before it
Two women were put together as partners in the club tournament and met on the putting green for the first time. After introductions, the first golfer asked, "What's your handicap?" "Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other replied. "Really!" exclaimed the first woman, suitably impressed that she was paired up with her. "Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones!"